G: Hi, Singlestalk. Is it true that if two people truly love each other, they will always find a way back to each other? My girlfriend just said goodbye so she can join her family in the UK. She’s a nurse and so are her mom and siblings. Her dad was among the recent Covid-19 casualty. They lost the reason to stay in the Philippines. On the flip side, I am managing an agri-business owned by my grandmother who took care of me when I was orphaned. I love her. I love my girlfriend, too. It felt like a big part of me died when she left the country for good. We had the right love at the wrong time. Will we ever find each other somewhere down the road?
DJ: I once had a relationship with someone we can call “Anna Scott.” Let’s just say she’s a celebrity and I was a commoner. Because we lived in different worlds that seemed to run in parallel, she thought it was better to just let go. We both actually struggled to let go until eventually the relationship came to its abrupt end. In hindsight, I realized it did not work, not because it could not work. We’re too caught up in the distance between our worlds which felt like hell for two people who loved each other instead of yeah, we’re two people who loved each other. Don’t be like us.
When it comes to surviving the distance, we are already in the age of Skype, Zoom and WhatsApp. In a study conducted in the US sometime in 2013, approximately three million Americans lived apart from their partners at some point and around 75 percent of university students were in long-distance relationships at a given time. The study actually showed that long distance couples tend to have the same or even more satisfaction in their relationship than that of couples who were living close to each other. They had a higher level of dedication to their relationship and less feelings of being trapped. The biggest plus, it turned out, was that a couple gets to talk and learn more about each other. Why? Because they spend more time having conversations instead of just watching “Tune in For Love” or while texting other people. And because they are geographically apart, they also tend to develop better relationships with other people, cultivating interests, adding more spice, insights and experiences they bring to the relationship. Things are changing while they’re separated. Thus, they have so many new things to love about each other.
My suggestions? Tell your stories to an ear. Don’t just say I went to this party and I had fun. Talk about who were there, the activities that transpired, the food that was severed. Delve into the details. Make stories come alive for your partner because she is not there to see it. Do stuff together. Plan a movie night. Try new restaurants in your respective areas. Take a walk outside while video-calling each other.
Go online shopping and buy each other gifts. Get competitive with online games. Curate a special playlist on Spotify. Create a shared digital album. Set reminders. Send small notes of appreciation. Remind each other frequently what you love about the relationship. I also suggest being more mindful of your social media posts. Avoid content that makes her worried or insecure. Be slow to judge too. It’s easy to make all sorts of assumptions or judgements that are often either exaggerated or are completely wrong.
It’s been said that when something feels missing in our life, it usually turns out to be someone. Yes, you miss her as bad as an idiot misses the point. But seriously, a lot of things can change in three years or in five years. A love that’s so deep and strong even when complex does not happen every day. It’s rare.
Never waste this chance. Sure, the distance feels like hell because you love each other. But never give up on it because you love each other. And as long as both of you are growing, the relationship is worth keeping. Make it work as much as you can, as long as you can. Keep the faith. One day that converging trajectory on the horizon will happen. For now, you don’t have to run. Just walk.