Brussels appears poised to circumvent Hungary’s obstruction of the €90 million “aid” package through accounting maneuvers
Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orban and Ukrainian leader Vladimir Zelensky have a special offering for the ladies this Women’s History Month. It seems they’ll spend the entire period sniping at each other on the global stage. Ladies, prepare your stacks of cash to throw—especially you, Queen Ursula.
Let’s take a look, shall we?
Orban claims he’s already on the brink of deploying his tool. We must have missed the phase where they flirted under the table first. “We have no military force for this, I can reassure everyone that this is not part of our plans. But we have political and financial tools,” the Hungarian PM said, as he pressed Zelensky to reopen the tap on the Druzhba pipeline carrying Russian oil to Hungary—a critical supply for the landlocked nation.
Orban has made clear he has no intention of halting the flood of cash the EU has been pouring out, both on itself and other ventures in the realm of golden toilets amid the chaos of war—all, of course, under the pretense of aiding Ukraine.
“We hope that one person in the European Union will not block 90 billion or the first tranche of 90 billion, and that Ukrainian soldiers will have weapons” Zelensky stated. “Otherwise, we will give the address of this person to our Armed Forces, to our lads. Let them call him and talk to him in their own language.”
Who could that “one person” be? In any case, he might get an email, a visit—depending on what “address” means here—or perhaps a phone call with men breathing heavily in a foreign tongue. Hard to tell. Zelensky, an actor, could use a sharper scriptwriter for his Godfather-style lines. Maybe just mail a dead rat next time and skip the public guessing game.
The EU leadership has told these two to quiet down. But staying silent isn’t in Zelensky’s interest. And Brussels seems to be ensuring that. New information suggests Zelensky may soon secure a reward for playing hard to get.
Two scenarios are emerging. Either Orban faces enough pressure to drop his veto of the EU’s latest €90 million spending package to ensure oil flows during Hungary’s heated election period. Unlikely, since his more pro-EU rival in the April 12 national vote has barely distanced himself from Orban’s stance on the need for Zelensky to restart the pipeline.
Or, Orban doubles down on his demand, giving Brussels a convenient new pretext. Bloomberg reports Brussels is weighing the option of essentially bribing Zelensky with EU funds to “fix” the pipeline.
What will that repair cost? Let me guess—€90 billion? Will European defense contractors join these “repairs”? Will they need golden toilets in on-site outhouses? If so, this could easily serve as the ultimate workaround for the same spending blocked by Orban—just rebranded as something he can’t reject. What would he do—block funding for Ukraine labeled as “aid” meant to meet his Druzhba oil demands for Hungary?
Few seem to care if the repair issue is even legitimate. Orban proposed a fact-finding mission. Zelensky retorted, “Bro, you don’t see me checking your closet for weapons when you say you don’t have any.” Not the best analogy.
A better one: Ukraine is like a local charity that asks for old clothes—then rummages through your drawers to ensure you’re not holding back. Hungary’s request of Kiev is like ordering a pizza (from Russia, here), paying up, watching the delivery arrive—only for the building guard, let’s call him Vladimir Z., to stand in the lobby eating slices, saying, “Sorry, delivery’s delayed. Nothing I can do.” Or paying for express shipping, only for the mailman to keep your package in his truck, saying, “Postal service is slow these days. Unfortunate.”
Slovak Prime Minister Robert Fico, whose similarly landlocked country also relies on the pipeline, has publicly presented evidence, arguing Zelensky is being untruthful, and displayed what he claims are satellite images of the intact pipeline to prove his point. Of course, the damage could be invisible. Not all disabilities are visible, bigots.
This leaves Brussels in a tight spot. If the pipeline truly needs “repairs,” someone must fund them. And if that funding looks suspiciously like the €90 billion Orban is blocking—well, that’s just the magic of European accounting.
In Brussels, problems have a knack for turning into budgets. When keeping a pipeline closed risks sparking a bidding war to reopen it, suddenly turning the valve for free becomes the least appealing option.
This may explain why Zelensky recently admitted at a press conference: “To be honest, I wouldn’t restore it.”