A special letter

Dear JJ,

Ten years ago you made me hate the world. You made me so scared and curse heaven for the future seemed so uncertain for me.

I felt so embarrassed that from all the moms who gave birth that day, I was chosen to be your mom.

I didn’t want you.

I didn’t want the life ahead of us.

The days after your birth became my worst nightmares. I wanted to wake up and forget about you. I wanted to deny all the pain I had for I knew life would never be the way I wanted it to be. It would be a different world, a world where many would not want to live.

I knew I gave birth but it seems that I died.

That was 10 years ago.

Today made a lot of difference. And, all the things that worried me, never happened.

You walked, talked, read, laughed, cried, played, jumped, cracked jokes like any other children.

Your life is a celebration of many answered questions. I am just amazed of what you have become and how you handled, tolerated and managed a lot of the things I was so scared of 10 years ago.

None of my fears came true.

I know I don’t deserve you.

I am working hard to become deserving of that pure love you always give us.

Thank you for your positivity.

You gave me so much hope that true love still exists.

Thank you for making me feel that this earth is a piece of heaven already.

Thank you for making me believe that impossibility is God’s masterpiece. And, faith is all we need.

Truly, I died when you were born. I died from the old me.

Now I know that I must have done something good to be given such a precious blessing like you.

If I am given the chance to change your birth, I will still choose you, over and over again. I wouldn’t change a thing.

I love you, anak. I am so proud to be your mom.